Money can be a sensitive issue and an uncomfortable subject to talk about for some, even with their families. Several surveys have documented the same view that society holds on money talks: a taboo. The APA survey revealed that 18% of Americans say that money is taboo to talk about with their families. Furthermore, 36% do not feel comfortable talking about money despite being stressed due to financial problems.
Why the Taboo?
In her research article, Dr. Liezel Alsemgeest from the Centre for Financial Planning Law, University of the Free State, South Africa, listed possible reasons behind money as a taboo subject in the family. First, as part of the norm, it is customary not to talk about finances. Talking about money openly is not a common practice in many societies, even in Western countries. This is passed on to the next generations through practices and habits in the family, making it difficult to change.
Second, money poses sacred and profane meanings as both a tool and a drug. As a tool, money enables people to make ends meet. However, it has the danger of becoming a drug for people as it leads to money obsessions. Examples of disorders may arise such as overspending, impulsive buying, and pathological gambling. Due to this, money becomes a touchy subject as it may mean several things for different people.
Third, money can have social and cultural connotations. Money can act as a non-verbal cue of an individual’s status in society. Furthermore, it can act as an illustration of the degree of an individual’s acceptance into society. Since this can lead to certain biases based on material possessions rather than personal qualities or achievements, people would rather not talk about money to avoid judgment.
Finally, money is often associated with feelings of power or inferiority as well as shame, embarrassment, and guilt. Money can empower an individual’s standing in society and family, leading to inequality in resource sharing and decision-making. Consequently, in line with its social and cultural aspect, openly talking about money could bring to the surface negative emotions that most people are not comfortable with. Parents might want to protect their children from worrying or feeling embarrassed while keeping their dignity and concealing their guilt.
Starting financial talks with children
As the first institution of life, the family plays a vital role in shaping and influencing an individuals’ financial values and behaviors. Family financial socialization can affect an individual’s financial knowledge, self-efficacy, and subjective financial wellbeing. This means that a child can be introduced to finances through discussions on money and how their parents handle it.
To ensure that they do not cause excessive worry and fear about what awaits their children in the future, parents need to be cautious when approaching the topic of finances. Parents may start by sharing the importance of getting a job to earn money and how it correlates to the future of their families. Parents may also share what they think about savings, how they spend money, and when they use credit cards.
This may prove to be challenging as this also exposes the good and bad spending habits of parents. However, this can be an opportunity for children to learn and develop healthy relationships with money. By gaining good habits and learning from the bad, children can eventually develop better financial habits.
Similarly, discussions such as retirement planning, long-term care, inheritance, and estate planning between aging parents and their children who are of legal age are also necessary. This conversation might be the most uncomfortable one, especially when family estrangement exists. To tackle this, finding financial professionals who can sort out finances for them can avoid disclosing sensitive information. For aging parents who are financially less prepared, communicating their concerns to their children is important to resolve any bigger issues that may arise and harm their family systems in the future.
Sharing financials with spouses
Starting discussions on money matters with a spouse/partner can be surprisingly difficult too. Some people keep financial secrets from their spouse/partner. However, it can put a strain on not only their financial health but also on their relationships as a whole.
To start opening up about financial matters with a spouse/partner, one can share their past experiences with money. These can include the money values and habits they grew up with. During these discussions, they may discover differences in handling money which might be rooted in childhood teachings.
Along with these experiences, one can also share their expectations in shouldering the management of finances. Differences in individual income and debts can also be a source of tension in an intimate relationship. However, by having these discussions, couples can learn how they handle household finances and also deepen their relationship.
Conclusion
Society needs to see discussions about money in a new light, especially in the family context. While financial issues and the stress that comes along with it are challenges that one deals with on a daily basis, people need support from the ones closest to them: their family members. This also indicates our intentional effort to build resiliency and develop a source of social support when facing financial hardships.
However, this can only happen if the silence is broken within the family setting and new norms are made regarding conversations on money. Talking about money could mean exposing one of our vulnerabilities, but it can also save us from more dire situations and even provide more hands to reach out to later on. If people continue to keep financial issues out of the discussion and hide unhealthy money spending from other family members, this ignorance can be detrimental to the family’s financial wellbeing.
Every person experiences ups and downs in their life, from everyday challenges to traumatic events. Despite these challenges, people can exhibit a remarkable degree of adaptability in face of stressful events. Some individuals may seem to be more resilient than others, but most are not aware that this is an ability that can be learned and developed.
Over the years, a lot of studies have been done on resiliency. Early studies focused on understanding its process which later changed into learning how it can help us evolve positively. Even though genetic predisposition undeniably influences one’s resilience, Erika J Wolf et al. (2018) revealed that its heritability is only 25%, whereas the rest is influenced by environmental factors.
Resilience is a complex construct that involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions. The proportion of these factors vary in different risk contexts which then contributed to the notion that it is a process. Accordingly, it can be seen as an attribute or a trait possessed in varying degrees by an individual, a dynamic process with bidirectional relations to developmental and environmental factors, and as an outcome in the face of stress and adversity. Based on this concept, here are some strategies to increase your resiliency.
Self-care
If resilience is the ability, self-care is the behavioral strategy to overcome difficulties. Self-care helps mitigate stress response to make it manageable. Moreover, practicing self-care promotes wellness and restores a sense of wellbeing during difficult times. However, people often think of self-care as a recreational activity which is not exactly true.
Practicing a healthy lifestyle that includes proper nutrition, regular physical activities, and ample sleep — all of which are basic self-care routines. Other ways to practice self-care include developing better hygiene and applying health protocols, especially during this recent pandemic. Also, rather than consuming alcohol, drugs, or other harmful substances to eliminate stress, you can instead try to explore other, healthier options such as seeking medical care when needed.
Spending some quality “me time” could also be part of self-care to balance between your professional and personal life. As the name indicates, it is more about time to give yourself all the love and positive energy that you need. Scott Barry Kaufman demonstrated in his study that 72% of participants produced new ideas in the shower which is considerably more than at their workplace. The heat and the feeling of isolation of this moment can also help unblock your thought process.
Perception in life
One can find their purpose in life through deep contemplation of what they want to do and what they’ve experienced so far, followed by developing realistic plans to achieve these goals. Working towards your aspirations in life will help broaden your view of other people’s circumstances. Being cognizant of others may help strengthen your own resilience in the face of adversity. It may also contribute to a healthier regulation of any negative emotions you may experience.
Interactions with others, however, could influence one’s thoughts, which in turn, affects one’s feelings and behaviors. Judith S. Beck (1964) hypothesized that people’s emotions and behaviors are influenced by their perceptions of events rather than by the event itself.
The key here is to challenge inaccurate thoughts which have negative impacts. Keep things in perspective by identifying and eliminating irrational thoughts. Then, follow it up by maintaining an optimistic view by learning from the past and accepting change as a part of life.
Challenging inaccurate thoughts is also needed when interpreting new information. For example, researchers have concluded that exposure to stressful experiences enhances resilience as the result of a more efficient adrenaline release. However, it only refers to exposure when stressful events are perceived as challenging rather than a threat. The thought process to arrive at this conclusion is important because literal interpretation may lead to more detrimental effects by engaging yourself in so-called ‘bad’ exposure.
Social support
As social beings, people need to rely on each other as social connections hold importance in one’s life. It promotes resilience to deal with negative emotions such as feelings of distress and worry, especially in these difficult times as all aspects of life recover from the global pandemic. Therefore, building a support network should be prioritized.
Trying to join a community could be the first step in broadening a network. Connecting with people who can understand and empathize without judgment of a person’s situation can also be a great source of emotional support, especially when experiencing hardships. Nevertheless, good communication skills are needed to strengthen the relationship such as assertive communication. Assertiveness is an effective and non-confrontational way of expressing one’s thoughts regarding a particular situation or concept.
Another thing that needs to be pointed out is that social support acts as a resource for one’s resilience. Resilience is never about facing difficulties alone with your own resources. It means knowing the boundaries of what you can do and seeking help from others when needed. While it has been mentioned that you can find support within your community, seeking help within your family and friends or formal settings with professionals is also an option.
Conclusion
Resilience is the ability to adapt and recover from adverse events. As such, resilience can be learned and developed by using strategies that focus on behaviors, thoughts, and actions. Self-care behaviors, healthy thinking, and gathering social support are recommended strategies to help build your resilience.
These strategies highlighted not only internal factors but also the influence of external factors in resilience. You can try to adopt a healthy lifestyle and thinking to improve on it, but there are limitations in what you can do alone. It is also a question of how long you can survive fighting alone, especially in a period of uncertainty. Supporting each other would help enhance your resiliency.
If you’ve ever experienced an unpleasant state of panic and restlessness before a job interview, or presentation, if performance reviews make you feel uncomfortable, if you tend to come up with excuses to avoid being in the spotlight, chances are you’re dealing with workplace performance anxiety. If this condition, affecting millions of people, goes out of hand, it could turn into generalized anxiety disorder or panic attacks.
Apparently, performance anxiety in today’s society is quite common. Healthcare professionals and psychologists have to frequently deal with people (teens, students, young adults) struggling to cope with the pressure of ‘being the best. Nonetheless, the good news is that performance anxiety is treatable through anxiety counseling.
What is Performance Anxiety?
Anxiety disorders are categorized as being amongst the most common mental health issues, whereas, The World Health Organization estimates that approximately 260 million people are living with anxiety globally. Indeed, staying on top of the game can be stressful, considering how, in our constantly evolving society, people become fixated on being competitive while delivering spectacular results.In addition to WHO’s statistics, Darcy E. Gruttadaro, JD, the director of the Center for Workplace Mental Health at the American Psychiatric Association Foundation, says anxiety disorders are the most frequent mental health condition in the U.S.
“It’s not uncommon for people to feel nervous about a big presentation, meeting with clients, or working directly with senior leaders,” Gruttadaro explains. “Anxiety disorders involve more extreme, often crippling, and persistent levels of fear, apprehension, and worry.”
Gruttadaro points out that red flags suggesting someone might be affected by an anxiety disorder include:
A drop in performance;
Excessive missed days of work;
Not appearing engaged in work;
Physical complaints, like sweating, upset stomach, and not sleeping well (without another rational explanation);
Poor job productivity.
The root cause of anxiety at work depends on the person. For some people, extra-long work hours, high stress, a lack of support from managers and co-workers, and affiliated factors can lead to someone developing anxiety at work, Gruttadaro explains.
Unfortunately, performance anxiety can frequently potentially ruin our career at once, also preventing us from doing what we enjoy, while also impacting self-esteem and self-confidence.
Ironically, people with performance anxiety are commonly perceived by others are being ambitious perfectionists who deliver impeccable outcomes, bringing a contribution to the overall ‘wellbeing’ of the company.
However, many people ignore the fact that people with performance anxiety generally struggle with self-doubt. The motive behind their state is the conflict between self-imposed standards and self-doubt.
Overcoming workplace anxiety can start by adjusting your mindset.
You could follow these next tips to rise above it:
Plan ahead, by preparing yourself for potentially unpleasant surprises. Planning will save you a lot of headaches, whenever you have to deliver a striking product presentation, cut loose a brilliant idea, etc. You can do this by brainstorming or actually putting it all down on paper.
Challenge your thinking, by reinterpreting how your audience (authority figures, management), perceives you, preventing your anxiety-filled thoughts to bring your worst fears to life. By adopting a set of rational beliefs, you’re challenging your mindset, avoiding counterproductive irrational thoughts that fuel your workplace performance anxiety. Moreover, a rational perspective will nurture in you positive emotions, such as encouragement and enthusiasm.
Reframe failure, by turning it into a valuable learning opportunity. People struggling with workplace performance anxiety are terrified of criticism (constructive/destructive), perceiving it as a sign of failure. However, failure is part of life, whereas you should think of the fact that successful people have failed countless times, with each challenge they surpassed making them stronger and wiser.
Try not to get anxious, get excited!In 2013, a professor at Harvard University published a study emphasizing how performance anxiety can be reassessed as excitement, by encouraging subjects to exclaim: “I’m excited” prior to participating in several activities. Therefore, by telling yourself this, instead of “I’m concerned/anxious”, anxiety can be used to your advantage, transforming it into a driving force.
Celebrate your success, by marking your work and thanking the people who helped you, before moving on to your next task.
Take breaks when you need to. Taking a walk to clear your head, going on a vacation would do the trick, in terms of feeling refreshed and ready to get back to work once your return.
Use your time management skills. Via time management, your anxiety could be, to some extent, alleviated. You can use to-do lists to prioritize your assignments, whereas these can also help you reserve enough time to accomplish each task.
In conclusion, overcoming workplace performance anxiety mainly revolves around challenging your irrational beliefs and adopting a healthy right attitude towards criticism, feedback, and evaluation, and failure, respectively.
Over time, psychologists have shown the positive impact that willpower provides in day-to-day activities, from enhancing self-control to becoming more and more efficient at the workplace.
The American Psychological Association has entitled willpower, “the Psychological Science of Self-Control,” by stating that “at its essence, willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.” Willpower is usually built in terms of deploying the right motivation, belief systems, and perseverance.
