With the holiday season now over, it is time to start the new year. Around this time, people are raring to make good with their resolutions for the year. It is also a good time to look back, reminisce, and see what has changed over the past year like achievements and failures, as well as the people gained and lost along the way.
You might be thinking of either rekindling old friendships as part of your New Year’s Resolution or simply because you miss having the familiarity of old bonds. Some friendships fade simply because life happens – people change jobs, move cities, or find themselves different life stages. Whatever the reason is, if you find yourself thinking about that person often, it might be good to start reaching out to them and rekindling the friendship.
If you are thinking of reconnecting, you might be wondering where should you start or what would you say. It might help to put yourself in their position and ask “How would I want them to reach out to me?”. Reconnecting with old friends might make you feel uncomfortable, but according to a study, 90% of people who felt anxious before reconnecting reported that it was enjoyable afterward. If you are still unsure of how to do it, here are some steps that might help you to reconnect.
Little things matter
Reconnecting with old friends does not mean that you have to do everything that you used to do together. Try to eliminate the all-or-nothing mindset in reconnecting. You could start with something small and meaningful.
You could call, message, or email to let them know that you are thinking about them. During this pandemic, you can reach out and ask how they are doing. It can be something along the lines “Hey, how are you? We have not talked in a while.” If you have not been in touch for a while, you could also share what you have been doing to open the conversation.
Bring up shared memories
Discuss something that you used to enjoy together or what interests both of you. Remind yourself and that person on what brought you together before and how that lead you to reconnect. Nostalgia can help people to feel more socially connected and bringing up old memories can help you to reconnect with old friends.
Have a plan
When you have already had your initial catch-up, remember to make a concrete plan for your next meet-up. At this frail stage of your friendship, you must make an actionable plan to maintain it. If you do not set a date and time, it is likely that it will never happen. Once you take care of the logistics to get together, it will be easier to follow through.
Keep it casual
It might make other people uncomfortable if you have not talked in a while and you invite them to meet all your new friends, so it would be better to have a one-on-one get-together with them instead. During this time, ask them open-ended questions that will help them feel comfortable so they can talk about themselves and what they have been doing while you can listen and learn more about them. If you are worried it might get awkward with just the two of you, try to choose an activity to do together like bowling, watching a movie, or going to a sports game. This will give you something else to focus on if things get awkward, and possibly something new that you might bond over.
Entering the new year is not all just about having a resolution and making a new goal; it is also about reflecting on your past self and experiences. If you find yourself wanting to reach out to an old friend for some time but keep putting it off, the new year can be a good time to start doing it. This might make you uncomfortable at first, but with good intentions and effort, you will not fail. Try to find little ways to show that you care and make an effort to build and maintain the friendship. Reconnecting with old friends will remind them that you still value them despite the time that passed, and this will give you something to build in the upcoming year.
People look forward to the holidays to unwind from the difficulties of the past year and to spend much-needed quality time with loved ones. For at least a week just before the beginning of the new year, people are generally in a cheerier mood, and for just a few moments, can leave their worries behind. That is until the holidays are over.
Shifting gears from a relaxing holiday to getting back into the grind can be stressful, especially when there is work waiting on the desk. It has been much more difficult these past few years due to COVID-19 because there is no physical transition from house to office. In some cases, people who do not have a separate home office find themselves working in the same place that they relax, requiring more effort than usual to get back into the mode of working.
Whatever the reason is, people normally dread to return to their responsibilities which can be a source of stress. Here are some ways to mitigate that overwhelming feeling of returning back to work after the holidays.
Transition slowly
Normally, people would check their inboxes once they get to their work desks. Immediately seeing that pile of emails that need to be answered can be stressful. While there are potentially a dozen of emails to get through, start the day at your own pace, get your coffee ready, and settle down to put yourself in a good mindset first before poring through your work.
Adjust your mindset
Speaking of mindset, make sure that you are in a good mood before work. Oftentimes, people immediately stress themselves out with the idea of going back to work. Instead of focusing on the negative, make sure you are surrounded by things that put you in a positive attitude like playing good music or reorganizing your desk for a change.
Plan your day ahead
Planning out your day can not only help you organize how you want to work, but it also helps you figure out the most important tasks that need to be done. Simply blindly going through your work without any plan in mind might end up with you wasting time just thinking about what to do next. This also helps you set the pace for how you will work and avoid getting overwhelmed with other tasks that can be done on another day.
Socialize with colleagues
More often than not, your co-workers may be feeling the same way about going back to work. Instead of keeping it to yourself, have short watercooler sessions with your colleagues or hang out to the extent possible and share how you feel. You may even share stories about what you did during the holiday vacation. The bottom line here is that you do not need to go through it alone.
Schedule your next vacation
It might sound ridiculous to immediately think of a vacation right after having a holiday break, but having something to look forward to can help lift up your spirits. Knowing that there is a vacation planned ahead can also help motivate you and put you in a better mindset as you start your work.
People usually anticipate the amount of work that they need to get back to once the holidays are over. While it is true that responsibilities will still be there even as a new year begins, knowing how to take things slow, prepare mindsets, plan ahead, engage with people, and even look forward to the next vacation will help lessen that stress that comes after the holidays and start your new year right at work.
Special meals and sweets often indicate the festivities, making it one of the most essential features during the year-end holidays. The abundance of food can also bring people to partake in holiday eating, which is the overindulgence of relatively unhealthy food. To avoid that, meal planning can be a good strategy to stay healthy during and after the holidays while still enjoying good food.
Challenges in meal planning
Eating unhealthy food could jeopardize one’s working performance after the holidays. Optimal nutrition intake during the holidays can mitigate this and help to feel refreshed even after the holidays. However, preparing this kind of meal could be challenging for some people especially during holidays when portions are usually bigger to accommodate families and other guests.
Cooking also requires time and energy. Time scarcity, which is a condition when someone perceives their time is not enough for doing everything that needs to be done, was found to cause the rise of fast and convenient food consumption. Research from Universitatea Transilvania Brasov also discovered that time management and healthy eating are associated wherein planning meals can help a person have clear objectives as well as enhance the quality and complexity of food.
Meal planning may vary depending on how, where, and with whom someone spends their holidays. Many people use holidays as the time to reconnect with their families and friends either by staying at home or traveling. To make holiday meals healthier with your loved ones, here are two ways of meal planning at home and during traveling.
Meal planning for holidays at home
Some people accept guests during holidays, but even for those who celebrate holidays with just their immediate family members, the food needs to be extraordinary. Big portions and grand menus would take plenty of time. Meal planning makes it possible for individuals to think about recipes that could be done quickly such as preparing the ingredients in advance to avoid the feeling of not having enough time. Here are some tips to have stress free holidays meal preparation:
Estimate the number of people you’re expecting over and consider their dietary needs, allergies, and food preferences.
Research holiday menus, take note of the time needed to prepare the food, and list down the ingredients modified with the portion quantities. Try to balance carbs, proteins, and vegetables.
Separate grocery lists for perishable and nonperishable items. Perishable foods should be bought a day before to guarantee freshness while nonperishable items could be bought 1-2 weeks before the holiday. Supermarkets are usually very crowded near holidays; by buying nonperishable items in advance, you can avoid having a long list of groceries and that long line towards the checkout.
Make a schedule on when to serve the main meals and the sweets. Try to serve sweets in between the meals to avoid family members, especially children, feeling full during mealtimes.
Meal planning for holidays away from home
One might find difficulty in controlling the amount of food that they eat during trips or staycations because they can only eat what is available in whichever restaurant is within reach or have limited time to prepare their own food. A study in Scotland about children’s holiday eating habits found that nuggets and burgers were always found in kid’s menus provided by hotels. These types of menus focus more on making smaller portions compared to adults instead of the nutritional needs of the children.
Meal planning can help parents have more control over what they eat as a family. Planning vacation meals also lessens the burden on decision-making on food and focuses more on having fun. Here are some tips for meal planning ahead of time before traveling:
Consider and check the menus and cooking facilities provided by your accommodation. If there is no functional kitchen with a fridge and stove available, you can prepare meals ahead of time or bring portable cooking equipment such as an electric pot, induction stove, etc.
In the case that there’s a nearby supermarket available, you can plan on buying the ingredients for your meals from there
Keep the meal plan as simple as possible.
Plan ahead if you want to eat out by doing a quick check of restaurants and the menus. Eating out is fun, but spontaneously eating out should be avoided if possible.
The holidays are a time to recharge and have joyful moments with your loved ones over delicious food. However, holiday eating encourages people to consume more portions, including sugary and fatty foods that could affect one’s physical health after the holiday. That’s why planning out your meals is a good coping strategy to make meals more nutritious while avoiding unhealthy holiday eating habits.
Maternal gatekeeping is similar to a football team’s goalkeeper as they will both protect their territory. It is usually described as a set of mother beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors to control and encourage or discourage fathers as they care for their home and children fully. Their shared norms continue to shape mothers into primary caregivers and establish their role as gatekeepers in parenting. In this regard, a mother might negatively affect a father’s involvement in child-rearing through their “gatekeeping” behavior.
This type of behavior could appear early in the family, especially in the transition to parenthood when both couples need to designate their parental roles. As a gatekeeper, mothers can either show restrictive and negative behavior or positive and facilitative behavior toward fathers. A father’s engagement in child-rearing will depend on what kind of gatekeeping behaviors a mother will show. Restrictive and negative behaviors will decrease fathers’ engagement in child-rearing tasks while positive behaviors will reinforce and encourage fathers in these tasks.
Puhlman and Pasley designed three dimensions of behavior as an indicator of maternal gatekeeping:
Control
Mothers attempt to hold a leadership position with the highest decision-making power concerning family functioning and supervise father-child interactions intensely. For instance, when mothers make fathers interact with children, they set the rules and watch them. Other behaviors include making the family schedule, managing finances, and coordinating leisure activities based on their preferences and desires.
Encouragement
Mothers gradually lead fathers to increase or maintain their participation and interaction with children. For example, mothers encourage fathers to spend individual time with children, provide fathers with helpful feedback during interactions with children, and use supportive or appreciative language.
Discouragement
This pertains to the extent to which mothers are disheartening and critical toward fathers and their involvement with children. It can be a mother interrupting a father’s time with the child, dissuading fathers from interacting with the child, redoing tasks completed by fathers, and some forms of nonverbal communication (e.g., eye-rolling, scornful looks).
Conditions that instigate maternal gatekeeping
Not all mothers will become maternal gatekeepers; the behaviors mainly transpire when certain characteristics and circumstances are experienced. First, mothers tend to develop gatekeeper behaviors when they perceive their marriage life as less satisfying or stable. Conflict and ambivalence are two aspects that can trigger maternal gatekeeping. The more conflict and ambivalence in the relationship that a mother experiences, the higher the possibility will be for a mother to develop a gatekeeper behavior to seek emotional connection from their children due to estrangement from their partner.
Second, mothers with higher perceived parenting self-efficacy might form gatekeeper behaviors. Mothers that view themselves as more confident and skilled at parenting would be more likely to experience frustration when a father’s care for or engagement with their children in ways that they disapprove of. A mother’s fear of their partner’s poor parenting skills could fuel their gatekeeper behaviors.
Finally, mothers with poor psychological functioning (e.g., neuroticism, anxiety, and depression) have a higher tendency to become a gatekeeper. Psychological problems might hinder mothers from actively encouraging a father’s involvement in child-rearing because of the lack of energy and motivation, as well as the inability to regulate their negative emotions. For instance, depressed mothers are likely to view themselves negatively and probably feel a stronger sense of parental inadequacy, leading to gatekeeper behaviors.
Tips to minimize gatekeeping behaviors
Eventually, we all know that gatekeeping behaviors are not deliberate and purposeful actions shown by mothers. The conditions and circumstances are factors that drive mothers to develop their gatekeeping behaviors. The practices below can help mothers minimize or even avoid gatekeeping behaviors.
Use open and honest communication
After becoming parents, communication becomes increasingly important. Some communication skills can be practiced daily, such as practicing “I” statements, avoiding name-calling or putting down the other person, and softening tones when speaking. Keeping open, honest, and objective communication is not always easy, but it is worth the work and investment.
Have mutual respect
Identifying and respecting each partner’s contributions is essential to improving a couple’s relationship. Some respectful actions can be practiced routinely, for instance, acknowledging others and saying thank you, addressing mistakes with kindness, and valuing each other’s opinions. There may be times of frustration towards the other person’s behaviors, but keeping respect for each other will help make everything run more smoothly and pleasant.
Have your “me time”
Every parent needs to have time only for themselves. Sometimes, you have to focus on your own needs amidst complicated and demanding parenting life. You can do your “me time” activities, such as meditation, sleep, and journaling.
Maternal gatekeeping is a common phenomenon for all mothers, especially first-timers. Mothers can learn how to control their gatekeeping behaviors, especially the restrictive and negative ones. By having control over these behaviors, a mother can keep the father fully engaged in child-rearing as it is essential in practicing positive coparenting to help in their child’s development.
‘The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.” –Bill Copeland
Setting goals is the first step you can take if you want to live a life with a direction and a sense of purpose. Goals refer to the desired results you or a group of people plan to achieve.
According to Locke and Latham, who have incorporated nearly 400 studies about the concept of a well-developedgoal-setting theory (1990), goals motivate people to build strategies that will enable them to perform at the level required by the goals. Accomplishing goals leads to a higher level of satisfaction and further motivation. However, unaccomplished goals could lead to frustration and lower motivational levels.
The goal-setting theory shows that goals are more effective for most people when they include a deadline for completion. Deadlines serve as a time-control mechanism and increase the motivational impact of goals.
Consequently, being aware that a goal has a timeframe would encourage a person to invest more effort in achieving it. In contrast, if plenty of time remains for attaining a goal, a person is likely to slow down when it comes to filling the available time.
Designing The Life You Want
It is not easy to design your life without setting goals, and the first step is to establish a personalvision statement. Ask yourself: “In five years from today, where do I want to be?”
To answer the question, you have to identify your strengths, list your skills, and make a positive declaration of your abilities.
Although strengths reflect your value and make working towards a long-term goal easier, identifying your weaknesses is equally important. Weaknesses help you evaluate your abilities and limitations. You can use it not to shrink your goals but to help you make improvements.
Break your goals into smaller goals you can accomplish daily. For example, to finish 10 books a year, you need to break this goal into small habits, like reading a number of pages each day at a specific time or finishing one book per month.
You can also categorize your goals:
Academic goals: What knowledge and qualifications do you want to achieve?
Career goals: What do you plan for your career, and where do you want your career to take you?
Financial goals: What do you aim to gain at a given point in your life?
Creative goals: What progress do you want to achieve creatively?
Physical goals: What activities do you want to develop your skills in?
SMART personal goals
An effective way to make goals more powerful is to make themSMART goals. A SMART goal is easier to achieve because it is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
For example, instead of saying that your goal is “to travel around the world,” which is a long-term goal and seems hard to achieve in a small period of time, you can say that you want “to travel to 10 countries around the world by September 2025.”
Don’t forget to enjoy the journey toward reaching the goal and take your time to savor having the goal done. If the goal is significant, reward yourself for achieving it, and it can encourage you to set more goals in the future, stay motivated, and build your self-confidence.
Setting personal goals can be quite challenging. If you are interested to know more about what you should consider when establishing personal goals, read this article aboutsetting personal goals.
